I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
3pm strippers are depressing
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
