Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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