i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
