U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
