1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
