Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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