my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
