They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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