okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
