you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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