just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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