He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
