The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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