There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
