Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
