Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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