my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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