I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
