There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
