I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
