hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
