I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
