I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Success! We fucked roommates!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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