i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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