Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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