He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
