Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
