you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
