I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
