If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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