i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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