If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
