I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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