I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
