i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
