What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize