She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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