Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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