her vagine was all disorganized.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
