WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize