$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
