You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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