I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
