I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
