Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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