I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
