I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
