guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
