i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
True strength comes from lack of pants
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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