i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
