Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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