Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just googled if crying burns calories
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
