hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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