I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
