i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
