This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
third nipple confirmed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
