Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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