Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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