You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
