At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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