you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
