dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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