YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
