This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
