I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
