Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
