do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
