she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
