we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
