i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You are a genius and a whore.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
