Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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