I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
