loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
